Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day coming up (at least in Japan and Western countries). February 14th, like clockwork. And are all the cheering, excited masses, awaiting the festivities, romantic in intent but named for a [probably mythological] saint who was martyred? Roses, chocolates, cupid with his arrow of love…

THEY’VE GONE SHOPPING. HOW ROMANTIC.

Are grown-ups still supposed to fall for this fun make-believe? Answer: YES.

Would you be surprised to hear that Valentine’s Day is a multi-billion-dollar business, second only to Christmas in retail turnover? And if it makes folks happy…

But what if you’ve just busted up with that sweetheart? What if you’re making lawyers rich in the divorce court battling that old battle-axe you swore ‘till-death-do-us-part’?

It’s puzzling. Now when you’re puzzled it’s a good time to visit Yaudah Bistro in Jogjakarta and Jakarta, because over hearty food and frosty drink all mysteries become clear. Or are at least filed away in the darkness. Meanwhile, Valentine’s:

‘The Price of Love’

(Yes, I cribbed somebody’s hard work from the internet)
The average American will spend $119.67 on Valentine’s Day this year, up from $100.89 last year.

Now, this kind of expenditure does not even include a guarantee of >ahem< ‘physical intimacy’.

The girl is thinking ‘No way’, not without the ring first.

Men spend almost twice as much on Valentine’s Day as women do. This year, the average man will spend $156, while the average woman will only spend $85.
We’re talking real money now, folks. What about the ROI (Return On Investment)? That’s cold. But realistic.

More than one-third of men would prefer not receiving a gift. Less than 20% of women feel the same way.
Why am I not surprised? Of course, girls love getting gifts. Guys are annoyed because they think about having to do the same for the woman. And whatever they buy, SHE WON’T LIKE IT.

What would an ideal gift for the beloved girlfriend or wife be? Hmm, ‘washing machine’? ‘Microwave’? ‘Ironing board’? The possibilities are endless.

More than nine million pet owners are expected to buy gifts for their pets this Valentine’s Day.
Try to explain this to an Asian who has never been to the West, but who admires westerners for their technological, social and historical glory: you are going to BUY A PRESENT FOR AN ANIMAL?

15% of U.S. women send themselves flowers on Valentine’s Day.

I bet I know why, too: it’s because her sweetheart

• is too cheap to spring $70 for a bunch of flowers that will get thrown out tomorrow
• can’t afford it, because he blew all his savings in Las Vegas
• needs the money for child support payments and the ex-wife / -wives
• forgot. Again.

According to the condom company Durex, condom sales are highest around Valentine’s Day, which are 20–30% higher than usual.
Now we are getting to the heart of the matter. Or rather, to the meat of the matter.

More at-home pregnancy tests are sold in March than in any other month
The down-side of all that Valentine’s Day romance, covered in blood and screaming nine months later.

Penicillin, a popular treatment for venereal diseases such as syphilis, was introduced to the world on February 14, 1929.
Pure coincidence, I trust.

Teachers receive the most valentines, followed by kids, mothers, wives, and sweethearts.
I thought teachers were not supposed to be romantically [sexually] involved with their students. Silly me.

Over 50% of all Valentine’s Day cards are purchased in the six days prior to the holiday.
The one time a year to go to the Post Office. Wait! Lebaran and Christmas as well.

The oldest surviving valentine dates from 1415. It is a poem written by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife. At the time, the duke was being held in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt.
Spent 24 years as a captive of the English. Plenty of time to write Valentine’s Cards.

One billion valentines are sent each year worldwide, making it the second largest card-sending holiday of the year behind Christmas. Women purchase approximately 85% of all valentines.
Keep your card, Pard. We’ve got a better idea for celebrating Valentine’s Day

Feast your sweetheart at the Bistro

Don’t go blowing your dough on overpriced chocolates and smelly flowers. Bring your darling of either sex (or in-between – we don’t care), sit and laugh and wink and drink. Eat heartily and imbibe merrily: talk about a romantic dinner!
No candle-light though. Sorry. Fire hazard.

Robust food, good company, happy times and merry drinking & smoking (if you please): that makes for a Fine Valentine.